Like stiff branches that creak and groan when freezing winds blow a wintery gale, my bones do likewise. The sap has begun flowing, nourishing pregnant buds that will soon give birth to leaves, is unlike my old blood that crawls through my ancient veins. Winter is melting into spring and unlike the winter days of my life, once ended, will return.
Although my younger strength and vitality has waned and the image in a mirror ascertains that I am indeed old, still my mind dreams the dreams of younger men. I may not be able to bound over tall bar stools any longer, entice beautiful young maidens to my bed chambers or work like there's no tomorrow any longer but my mind still soars with eagles to lofty places only dreamers can attain. My goals, unless my mortal plug is suddenly pulled unexpectedly, are attainable because I've made certain that they are within the grasp of this old man's reach. Actually, when I think back to younger times, many of my goals, which seemed silly, frustrating and inane to others, I kept within my natural powers so they could be attained - that's not to say the goals were worthwhile and never failed later on becomes some weren't and some did. For monetary riches lost, some men deliberately casting their lives away for less, although knocked to my knees with punches of momentary depression, I picked myself up, brushed my self off and continued on - when is money ever worth more than life?
Some of the goals and dreams I have today are ones of days gone by; they are goals and dreams that I never let go of and most likely never will. Placed on a backburner to simmer within my mind, every now and then a boiling hot droplet bubbles over, reminding me that perhaps the time is drawing near to put a certain past goal or dream into motion. When I was but a young lad visiting my grandfolks who lived at the edge of the powerfully flowing Fraser River near the small community of Woodpecker, BC, I told my grandmother one day when we were on a high hill overlooking their two-story log house they had built with their own two hands, "When I get older, I'm going to build my house right here." My grandmother of course laughed but I could tell by the twinkle of her deep blue eyes that she wasn't laughing at me like I was just a silly city boy, because she herself and my grandfather had once had the same dream many years before and they had traveled far and worked intensely hard to attain their dream.
Our planet Earth is literally withering and slowly dying right before my eyes because of the epitome of human egotistical foolishness. When I look across our 50 acres of mostly wildnerness, I can't help but wonder if it will die the same time that I do. There was a time when the odds were rediculously against the Earth and the human race expiring at the same time, but now, it's something many people the world around are considering. Catastrophic floods, tsunamis and earthquakes could be definite signs that the Earth is attempting to rid itself of the greedy parasitical pests that are clinging to its topsides with their sharp finger nails, still trying to grab as much as they can before they can't hold on any longer. What gets me is, no matter how much wealth a person can grab and hold onto as tightly as possible, when we die, we can't take anything with us. Perhaps that's our reasoning, realizing almost from the instance we come into this world that we are doomed and we do whatever seems necessary to us to try and cheat death; stay alive at all costs; if we are to die, what difference does it make if we take the Earth with us.
Our holy men; doesn't matter which denomination you've been born or indoctrinated into, have led us to believe there is a better place than Earth that we go to once we die. How many of us truly believe, if there is a God, Allah or Whoever, that if we are His children, would He have situated us in such a horrible place? Do we not attempt to bring our children up in the correct enviornment? Even a gardener when he plants a seed, makes sure that it is covered with the richest soil, there no lack of moisture and the sun warms its heart; so why would God put us on a place that wouldn't comfortably sustain us; not just us but everything else that lives here? The only conclusions I can come up with, is if there isn't a God, then we deserve to die, but if there is a God, the Earth is a testing ground to see how we behave and looking at the results so far, if I were Him; very few people would be getting to this so called better kingdom.
Like the Universe, the spiritual stuff is way beyond my perception as well. What gets me is how some goofus dressed in a white robe and another goofus peering through a telescope get off telling us there is a heaven and that the Universe was created by a "Big Bang"; I mean who the hell are these people; where are they getting their special information from? I can't discount or disprove any of their theories any more than they can prove their beliefs - and yet, we're expected to go along with their bullshit.
I've led several different lives during my lifetime thus far; been married twice; have six kids - have no idea how many animals, birds, fish and other creatures that have been a part of my own little domain but I do know that I, like so many others have been led down the garden path on many occasions. I mean, I'm not very bright and I'm quite weak, which makes me susceptible to many other's schemes, dreams and beliefs, especially when a great deal of them have been driven into my head by people that I looked up to since I was an infant. We all need help to get us through the day, someone to love and cherish, be loved and cherished in return; bodily nourishment and shelter from the undaunting weather. No one is owed a living or has the right to take anything just because they are here; our one and only true gift ever given to us was the first breath of life when we entered this world; and what a gift it was to many of us! For me, I don't have a problem leaving this world as empty-handed as I was when I entered. I don't care how talented, intelligent I've became or how much wealth I accumulated over the years; I would be happy to depart with nothing, as though I didn't leave so much as a feint foot print behind but that's not going to happen. The true meaning of a man or perhaps the true meaning of life (which I have actually attempted searching for) may be, to truly leave this world without leaving even a footstep behind; nothing for my offspring to acquire, nothing for lawyers and such to grovel over - but absolutely nothing - nothing at all left behind; except whatever resources I had taught to whoever was following in my footsteps to help them continue on with their lives.
Although there is snow on the ground and a bit of a chill in the air; it almost feels like summer outside. It's Sunday today, but I won't be going to church. Instead, I've walked around a very small portion of our 50 acres here at the base of Green Mountain - been measuring off a barnyard for the arrival of a dog, two goats and 50 chickens and plotting out the garden area. Whether a tsunami, earthquake, tornado or some other natural or man-made catastrophy wipes it away or not; I am planning for the future despite my age. While alive, I still have to eat, piss, shit, have sex and be sheltered just like any other creature that resides on this planet and since it's a most beautiful day; we have friends arriving for dinner; I best get started - cheers - eh!
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