'Tis the Season - At Least Freya is in Season
One would think it was spring time at Golden Unicorn Farm instead of almost autumn but then apparently unlike birds and many other creatures that mate soon after winter melts away; talk about lengthy foreplay, our goat Freya is just now getting into the mood for a little tussle in the straw. Jack or should I say Jacques (heavy on the French accent) has been splashing the left side of his face and one of his long ears with au du urine, prancing around with his tail in the air and demonstrating the prowess of his penis (it's unbelievable what he can do with it, almost makes me enviable) yes, he's been a wonder wooer on the prowl for love the past few weeks - one horny goat. He has been amorously nuzzling her face and private parts unabashedly; almost makes me blush where he sticks his nose and hairy chin. And, as the photo demonstrates, his amorous bleating and caresses have finally paid off - typical guy - happy as a clam once he gets laid. On the downside of his amorous attitude, unrelenting foreplay, Jacques, because of his rank odor and bullying attitude will soon be separated from Freya permanently, which hopefully will give Luki (our Great Pyrenees dog) a break, although I can't be sure about that since Freya seems to be the one that frequently butts him in the head - poor dog needs almost a full bottle of Tylenol a day. I'm hoping that once Jack is no longer here, has perhaps found greener pastures and a herd of nubile Nubian's and the dog will be her only company during the cold winter ahead, she will become a little chummy with him and not bully him any more - I know I would - he has a lot of warm hair to cuddle up into - smells a whole lot better than lover Jacques too..
Squeezing Crushed Apples Using a Motorized Apple Press
(It has a hand crank if the motor conks out.)
Yesterday, I mosied on down to the apple tree that's growing a short ways from the house and picked up a bunch of the apples off the ground that Hurricane Irene took a notion to blow down. About 50 lbs of apples gathered up in a chicken feed sack generated about 2 quarts of apple juice. I probably would have squeezed more juice out of the apples but the electrical cord, which was in very sad condition, crossed bare wires and exploded. Forgetting that I'd tied another chicken feed sack over the studio chimney to stop the hurricane's deluge of pounding rain with the spare electrical cord, which I was going to attach to the apple press, I decided to feed the chunks of compressed apples to the goats and chickens. The goats, being somewhat fussy, nibbled at them for a little while, but the chickens loved the sweet treats - mind you - chickens eat most anything.
I've never been very partial to apple juice - I've always preferred my apples to be crunchy and on the tart side. However, the apple juice that I squeezed (most likely along with a few worms as well) was delicious! Instead of looking like day old urine for a doctor's test, the juice had a rich, dark amber colour and was quite thick. That's the way I like to drink orange and grapefruit juice as well; the pulp being so thick, one almost has to chew it. A lot of apples are still waiting to be harvested but I'm thinking, instead of turning all of them into pies, tarts, juice and other tasty wares, apple cider with an extra kick should be considered; does anyone have a good recipe?
Sarah and I went to Woodstock yesterday; well to be more specific, to the hospital yesterday. She had to have some tests done on her heart, which because I was allowed to watch, I discovered was really quite remarkable. Computers, although mostly a time-waster for most of us, I can see, are really marvellous tools. I literally got to watch her heart beating on a large monitor and was able to hear it as well. The medical technician working the computer was able to blow up specific segments of her heart and photograph them and although most of the images were grayish tones and appeared to be unreadable to me, most likely for her and the doctor that would later look at the results would be able to form some sort of a decision regarding her breathing condition - snores like a grizzly bear - I believe a sleep apnea test is next.
Usually, I wouldn't have gone to town with Sarah yesterday, but it seems that I too had developed a medical problem of my own over the past few weeks - a large bump in my groin. I didn't give it much consideration until it grew relatively large and then began oozing in a few places. Oh my gosh I thought; I've got herpes or even worse; aids from some long ago encounter of the opposite sex. Anyway, all the talk about lumps and how they should be immediately looked into, I saw a woman doctor in the Emergency sector of the hospital while I waited for Sarah. As she probed around my sacred private parts, eventually squeezing the lump until it made my toes curl in pain, I was of course considerably worried about what she might say about my problem. Since I've been totally faithful to my wife since the time we first got together during a very private joining of our two bodies, I couldn't imagine how I would have acquired some sexual venereal disease. I can't remember her exact diagnosis regarding my condition but it seems rather than a sexual encounter, my dilemma was caused by over sweating (armpits are another location) and that it had become infected by most likely scratching my balls. She never of course said "scratching my balls" because that would have been completely inappropriate. However, yeah, I was relieved that some long ago love affair hadn't left me a little present and hey, what guy when he has sweaty balls from working hard under the glowering sun, doesn't reach down occasionally and scratch his sweaty gonads? I think it's time to clip my finger nails - cheers -eh!
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